October 30, 2014

This Theory Has Become Known as the Waste of Time Theory, and Was Abandoned in 1956

My publisher is Random house, whose logo is a picture of house. Recently they merged with Penguin, whose logo is a picture of a penguin, and the merged company now officially (I think) goes by the name "Penguin Random House" (despite the habit of many of us to call it "Random Penguin" which is too whimsical and irreverent to give up on all the way.)

I don't know what their official logo is now, or if they even have one, but you often see it done like this, with a gigantic penguin standing next to the house:

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Or maybe the giant penguin is floating in an air bubble next to the house.

Anyway, this image has always reminded me of this, and I thought I'd share:

Posted by Dr. Frank at 05:02 PM

Ronnie

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Here.

Gallery.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 03:49 PM

October 28, 2014

How I Spent My Insomnia

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Came across this great illustration (by the comic artist Minna Sundberg) of the Indo-European language "tree" via Bookshelves of Doom. (See it full size here.)

After that I spent much of tonight's insomnia perusing Sundberg's rather amazing Nordic post-apocalyptic web-comic Stand Still, Stay Silent. Well worth checking out.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 12:55 PM

The New York Times Ends "Structuring" Law Abuse with a Few Pointed Questions

The government assumes that depositing amounts over $10,000 in a bank account is inherently suspect and must be documented and investigated to ensure that the money was not obtained illegally. The law against "structuring" is premised on the idea that anyone who deposits less than $10,000 in a bank account must be trying to evade the first law, trying to disguise the illegal money as legal money. If you're caught doing either of these things, that is, depositing more (or less) than $10,000 at a time, they get to take your money, without having to prove (and in some cases, it seems, without even claiming) that you've done anything illegal or wrong.

Well, here's some good news for a change. This article on the subject claims that after a call from the NYT asking about this ploy (which has been going on for years and years) the IRS began to have second thoughts, and contritely announced that it would "curtail the practice" of summarily seizing innocent people's money on a technical pretext just because they could and focus instead on "cases where the money is believed to have been acquired illegally".

Well, yes, in retrospect I suppose, focusing on cases where there was no indication whatsoever that anything illegal was occurring and stealing innocent people's money anyway may not have been the most defensible policy. The party's over, apparently, thanks to a well-placed question from the New York Times. (Maybe they could call the DEA and ask them about the drug war, too. I see lots of wonderful possibilities here.)

As Megan McArdle points out, this practice is (or, was, I suppose I should say, now that the New York Times has put a stop to it) but a facet of a much greater civil forfeiture problem, and she likens the process to that illustrated in the song about the old lady who swallowed the fly:

So think about what has happened to our government agencies. We passed a law, to raise taxes, or curb the usage of addicting drugs. That law didn’t work as well as we wanted, because a lot of people were evading it. So we passed new laws, to make it easier to enforce the original one, like requiring banks to report all transactions over $10,000. And then people evaded that, so we made another rule … and now people who had no criminal intent find themselves coughing up tens of thousands of dollars they shouldn’t owe...

As in the case of the fly, we were better off leaving the original ailment alone. No, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t try to catch tax evasion. I’m saying we shouldn’t try so hard that we end up criminalizing a lot of innocent behavior. There are worse things than a country with some tax fraud. And one of those things is a government with vast and arbitrary power to punish people who have done no wrong.


Fortunately, with the Times on the case, there may be light at the end of our dystopian tunnel. Keep asking those questions, guys, because I know I speak for a lot of us when I say I'm getting pretty tired of living in dystopia.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 12:03 PM

October 26, 2014

Tiffany

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Here.

Gallery.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 08:58 PM

Press "send," and you're done

Matt Yglesias on the important role played by editors in the publishing industry:

Transforming a writer's words into a readable e-book product can be done with a combination of software and a minimal amount of training. Book publishers do not have any substantial expertise in software development, but Amazon and its key competitors (Apple, Google, and the B&B/Microsoft partnership) do.
(via this TNR critique, by way of Ron Hogan.)

Posted by Dr. Frank at 08:16 AM

October 25, 2014

It's back! And by "it" I mean those Sam Hellerman shirts...

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So yes, Interpunk has re-issued the "Sam Hellerman is a Genius" shirts from way back. I get requests for these all the time, so anyone who wants one, now's your chance. Order here.

King Dork Approximately shirts coming soon, too, by the way.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 07:24 PM

Logos (not the Jesus kind)

So I'm not sure what I expect to get from this, but I thought it could be worth trying so bear with me while I explain what it is.

You know how you (probably) used to devote a great deal of time in your teenage years to designing your theoretical band's logo? I mean, maybe you still spend time doing that, and if so I won't judge you. What else are you going to do with your time? It's not for me to say. Anyway in King Dork Approximately this is a recurring theme, which will not surprise anyone who has read King Dork, I'm sure.

I have often thought it would be fun to have logos of some of Tom's and Sam's bands, and I've even tried designing a logo or two myself from time to time.

But, in fact, I really suck at drawing logos, or anything. Even when the goal is to look awkward and amateurish -- doing that authentically can actually take more talent than producing something straightforward.

So I thought, hey I will ask the internet, and see what happens.

The assignment is to design a logo for the band Encyclopedia Satanica. From the book:

Oh, you haven’t heard our band? Encyclopedia Satanica? Well, that’s what it was called at the time I’m describing—that is, at the beginning of Sam Hellerman’s phone call about the letter. You should have seen the logo: so squashed-together and spiky that it was completely illegible. No way anyone was going to be able to read that thing. And it was really more of a sinister cult than a band. By the end of every show all audience members, especially the ladies, were thoroughly brainwashed and eager to do our bidding like sexy robot zombies.
And one of the conceits in the story is that logo is so illegible that they actually use it over and over for several of the subsequent bands, to wit:
I showed them the logo.

“It used to say ‘Encyclopedia Satanica,’ ” I explained. “Then it said ‘I Hate This Jar.’ But now it says ‘Teenage Brainwashers.’"

Got it? Anyone feel like drawing it? If so do and send it to me at mail@frankportman.com or by any other means you like.

This isn't a "contest" or anything like that, but if anybody does do it it'll be fun, probably, and maybe there's some kind of favor I could do for you one day (if it doesn't cost me any money because I'm stone broke.)

p.s. I'm also trying to come with a (legible) new MTX logo, so if any logo-happy people out there want to give that one a shot, please do.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 06:28 PM

October 23, 2014

King Dork Approximately Amazon music list

I did one of those Amazon list things for King Dork way back when, and I did another one for King Dork Approximately just now.

It's called the King Dork Approximately Music List and it's basically a list of music referenced in the book, along with quotes from the text.

I'm going to do it with books, etc., as I did before with the King Dork Reading List, so stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, pre-order KDA now!

Posted by Dr. Frank at 04:00 PM

Joelle

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Here. Gallery.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 01:05 AM

October 22, 2014

End of an Era

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Wonderful, if bittersweet, news: the ninth and final series of Peep Show will air sometime next year.

I am going to miss these characters (all of them, including the writers) but of course all of those involved will continue to do stuff, so there's still more to come in that sense.

In so many ways this show was, for me, the absolute pinnacle of comedy, as well as the a.p. of other things, like writing and acting. It "spoke to" me in a way that pretty much nothing else ever has. I can't think of a bit of art of any type, musical, literary, visual, that has meant as much to me or had as much impact on my life as this series, strange as that may sound.

But wanting to end at the appropriate time, and while the premise still makes sense, as explained in the article, is a fair point. And it's true that things already seemed to be winding down in the last series, if not earlier.

Hail Mark and Jez, et al. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 04:33 AM

October 21, 2014

James

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Here. Gallery.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 06:45 PM

"Frank Portman, singing my new favorite jam..."

Tiffany seems to have had a good time at the Texas Teen Book Festival, and here's her re-cap of the day, which includes this photo:

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The jam in question is "Cinthya with a Y", which she incidentally gave the best review a song could ever get:

I'm still obsessed with the song Frank Portman sang inspired by his book, King Dork. The song was called "Cinthya with a Y," and now that I've typed that, it's going to be in my head for the rest of the day.
Cinthya is actually a character who appears in King Dork Approximately, and we're planning to record it for real at our next opportunity. I have to say I'm surprised at the great reaction people have had to this songs the few times I've played it so far. Laughs at every line.

Anyway, thanks Tiff!

Posted by Dr. Frank at 06:10 PM

Text from Your Ex

My friend Tristin described this collection of allegedly real text message screen shots as "MTX songs come to life" and I can see why!

Posted by Dr. Frank at 05:56 PM

October 20, 2014

Lana

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(Gallery.)

Posted by Dr. Frank at 06:50 PM

Post TX

So TX Teen Book thing was good. Mostly hung out with the core “team” of music-y YA writers from that previous Anderson’s conference (Len Vlahos, Kevin Emerson, Joelle Charbonneau) but also kind of “bonded” over shared friends and music, past and present, with Gayle Forman, and Led Zeppelin with James Dashner (“mark my words: rock and roll is gonna make a comeback”). Also Cory Doctorow, Scott Westerfield, Ransom Riggs, Jason Reynolds, the indefatigable Sarah Petre (a/k/a Posh Deluxe of FYA), and lotsa others too of course.

One thing you can’t complain about concerning the YA world: pretty much everyone you meet is really friendly, nice, pleasant to be around…. I can’t think of another “world” where that is so much the case. Anyway niceness makes everything easier, including lit conferences, even when you know you have to go back to the real world.

Thanks for all the everything folks. I hope all your books sell millions and millions if they haven’t already.

My panel was called “Come on Feel the Noise”, so, with that quick mind I am known for, I decided to play “Cum on Feel the Noize” for my sound check. This did not register or compute, from what I could tell, to nearly 100% of those in the room, which is not super surprising. This is the world we live in, a world where a panel called “Come on Feel the Noise” is presented for people who are completely unaware of “Cum on Feel the Noize.”

But it is also a world where a nine-year-old girl, say, can come up to you and say, in reference to your AC/DC shirt: “I love your shirt. That’s my favorite classic rock band.” This happened several times this weekend.

The moral of the story is, things are good but we need more Slade education in our public schools.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 06:40 PM

October 15, 2014

Spark Life interview and various other recent KD/KDA links

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So YA etc. author Kathryn Williams interviewed me about King Dork Approximately for Sparknotes as part of their "Teen Read Week" and the result can be read here. I reveal my most-hated childhood nickname, which of my characters I most "relate" to, how uncomfortable it was to write about Tom Henderson making out etc. in the Slut Heaven Rec Center girl's restroom with the broken lock (answer: not very), and what my favorite toothpaste is.

Also they have posted a "sneak peek" excerpt.

Other recent links I've maybe noted elsewhere but not here:

-- YA authority and aficionado Professor Steven Bickmore includes King Dork on his list of ten adult novels that have stayed with you. Thanks, Steve!

-- Emily Maas and Popcrush list ten YA books they wish were required reading and include King Dork on it. I've always been a fan of the idea of making the consumption of my product mandatory, so this feels like a step in the right direction. Well done, Emily.

-- Tiffany of Beneath the Jacket reviews the cover of King Dork Approximately and pronounces it "pretty cute". Design success!

-- Our own Nathan Pensky pushes back against complaints about the creeping "likability" standard in American letters. Fair enough, but in my defense, I'm really more of a curmudgeon and pedant than a snob.

-- Mahnaz Dar's review of King Dork Approximately in The School Library Journal (scroll down) is very kind. Excerpt:

...Portman has crafted a perceptive protagonist, whose brilliantly wry observations will keep readers laughing and whose voice is infused with an all-too-believable mix of innocence and cynicism...
Well, shucks that's kind of exactly what I was going for so that's nice to hear. Also kind of a relief...

-- another very nice review by Miriam from the Bookpeople Teen Press Corps:

...My favorite character is Roberta (the female robot) because she’s really quirky and random. Her personality helps tie the book together...
No writing I've ever done has been as much fun as coming up with the Robot's various notes...

More to come, at least, let's hope so.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 08:23 PM

Katrina & Toby

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I have managed to time each of my books to coincide with the birth of each of Katrina's three children, more or less. (cf. here, and here.)

(And yes, that's the "stunt book" but a photo-op is a photo-op.)

note: bad link now fixed.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 05:50 PM

October 14, 2014

Comings, Goings, Doings, Recordings

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So, Porchlight was fun. I played "King Dork Approximately" and "Cinthya with a Y" and everyone seemed to have a pretty good time during it, from what I could tell. (It's hard under the bright lights. You can't see the faces of those you are torturing with your "art," like a police interrogation in reverse.) Before I played "King Dork Approximately" I made the observation (also noted in the book) that many, many songs can be played to the tempo and basic arrangement of "Cat Scratch Fever", the "slow" ones and the "fast" ones alike. And as with my previous Porchlight appearance (in which a stray reference to Quiet Riot's version of "Cum on Feel the Noize" led the sound guy to play that song as the outro music) "Cat Scratch Fever" played as everybody filtered out. It was a nice moment, and maybe the nicest moment involving "Cat Scratch Fever" that has ever occurred.

I'm headed off to Austin this weekend for the Teen Book Fest, where I'll be doing the same sort of song and dance plus participating in a panel on music in books (with Gayle Forman, Len Vlahos, and Kevin Emerson, moderated by Posh Deluxe of the Forever Young Adult website.) My understanding is that it is free and open to the public so if you happen to be in Austin and coming to this sounds like something you'd like to do, well then go right on ahead and do it:

Saturday, October 18th:
Texas Teen Book Festival, St. Edward's University, Austin, TX, where I'll be on a panel called Come On Feel the Noise about music in books, along with Gayle Forman, Len Vlahos, and Kevin Emerson.

Also, there are a few shows lined up for the book release week. The line-up for each is still being worked on, but I'm trying to make them all as memorable as possible. (The Andromeda Klein release party at Cato's featuring the exotic magic of Stallion will be hard to top, but I think we can do it, if only we believe in miracles.) I will post more details as I get them.

Sunday, December 7th


1-2-3-4 Go! Records, 420 40th St., #5, Oakland, CA, 94609. 7 PM.

Line-up TBA. Books will be available there in advance of the pub date (December 9th) so if you buy one there you will have two whole days to feel special.

Tuesday, December 9th


Housing Works, 126 Crosby Street, New York, NY 10012.

Hosted by Beth Lisick, featuring Chris Gethard, Emily Gould, Jami Attenberg, and many more TBA.


Friday, December 12th

Book release launch event party thing presented by The Secret Garden Bookshop, location and time TBA but it'll either be at the store (2214 NW Market Street, Seattle WA 98107) or at a space nearby, in the evening. Line-up TBA.

The Secret Garden was one of the most important early supporters of King Dork, and contacted me out of the blue before the book's release to try to arrange something at the store. This led to a fairly ramshackle funky punk rock style book tour of the NW built around it, put together by me and (mostly) my old pal Rebekah. It had its ups and downs along with many shining moments, but the Secret Garden event itself, held in a cupcake restaurant with a bare stage, no PA, and a strum, stomp, and shout set by me is one of my favorite gig memories ever. Those gals are great, and the store deserves a whole lot of credit and support, and I'm sure this thing is gonna be fantastico. So mark you collanders, Seattle-ans.


Saturday, December 13th

Barnes & Noble Downtown, 600 Pine St., Suite 107, Seattle WA 98101. 3 PM. This will be a bookstore appearance/signing, and I'll be playing songs too most likely.

And then, later that night...

The Kraken Bar and Lounge, 5257 University Way NE, Seattle WA, 9PM.

Line up TBA. This is a show show, if you know what I mean. I'll be playing a set, possibly electric w/band, or partially so. More on this as it develops.

Monday, December 15

Book Passage, Ferry Building, San Francisco. Details TBA.


There will be more to come, so watch this space.

Also, as participants in the Social Media flow have no doubt noticed, we recorded some songs over the weekend and I would say they are coming out great. More of that action to come, though at this point it's not 100% clear what it's in aid of or what's going to be done with them. Again, stay tuned.

Finally, pre-order King Dork Approximately!

And... that's about all I got right now.

Posted by Dr. Frank at 05:21 PM

October 10, 2014

Roadie

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Posted by Dr. Frank at 06:01 PM