Tension-Abuse-Calm
When you apply for a marriage license in the state of California, they give you a booklet called "If There are Children in Your Future." It's not just about having children, but rather, it's a collection of general information that the state feels you need to know before you get married. It's a very important part of the process, and they make a pretty big deal out of it. Both parties have to raise their hands, solemnly swear, and sign and date a statement that they have received it.
The booklet is very much like the ones they give you at the DMV or the gun store, though there's no written test. That's fortunate: I think we both would have flunked the section on the "cycle of violence," parts of which, my adorably politically incorrect fiancee remarked, "sound like fun." She's joking of course. She was also joking (I'm pretty sure) when she said she was going to keep the booklet by the bed and check off everything I ever do, so that her first call to the domestic violence hotline will go smoothly. On the other hand, there is a little space for notes in the booklet, so maybe that is indeed what it's for.
In effect, the state of California puts a warning label on its marriage license: THIS COUPON GOOD FOR ONE MARRIAGE. CAUTION: MAY CONTAIN CHILDREN, DISEASE, SUBSTANCE ABUSE, AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I suppose I understand why they do this (though I don't for one minute believe that the booklet prevents violence in any way) and I don't mean to make light of a serious problem. But it does seem like a pretty weird way to set the stage for those entering into the institution of holy matrimony.
My British fiancee sees this preemptive provision for disaster as quintessentially American, like the coffee cups that warn you that coffee can be hot, or the label that informs you that the packet of almonds "contains nuts." (Can there really have been a case where someone sued the state for failing to warn them that marriage can result in children, or that men can be bastards?) When she was signing up to be an exchange student at UC Santa Cruz a few years ago, she received as part of the application package a "sexual harassment grievance" form; the implication, she said, was that they felt you might as well fill it out in advance. That's the American way.
Posted by Dr. Frank at April 16, 2002 11:41 AM | TrackBack