Dr. Frank's What's-it

You guys were great in OKC. Thanks for coming.

Ted looks pretty happy.

How come I've never seen you play the banjo?

Faux News? Say it ain't so!

Ha ha. Two beautifully simple shots, so funny.

Hey, it's the Revenge is Sweet hand! Did you own that before the shoot, or is taking home the props just one of the perks of being a rock star?

Where the hell does a thing like that come from, anyway?

Is that a bottle of Rosemont Cabernet Sauvignon, or Shiraz? I lean toward Cabernet because I think that is the one with the red label, but I'm none too sure. Either way, a bold, robust, mid-priced, yet fine Australian wine. Certainly, Aussia wines provide the proverbial bang for the buck compared to their old world counterparts, so I must say, Good choice Doc.

And I know, wine talk is for fops and aristocrats... I promise to keep my mouth shut about it from now on.

The best part about those pictures is KP's bald melon in the van.

Matthew, The Rosemont Diamond Series wines are certainly worth the money, but if Aussie juice is your thing, I think it's worth spending a couple dollars more for some of the entry-level bottlings from d'Arenberg or Yalumba. Or Marquis Phillips, I suppose, although I've never really been a fan of that stuff. Personally, in that price range I usually reach for nice Cote du Rhone, or something Spanish -- have you tried the Castano Solanero?

BTW, wine is plenty punk rock -- check it: http://www.thedictators.com/punksommelier.html

Chuck Taylors and an ibook, such is bliss. Coservative news channel on in the background? I'm suprised you haven't been lynched yet. You do still live in Berkley, right?

We need some MTX in one of your flicks, Kevin.

We enjoyed meeting you in Houston. You guys rocked but I already told you that a few hundred times I think.

BTW, sad news today about Dave Blood of The Dead Milkmen: http://www.deadmilkmen.com

Very sad indeed. I guess he won't be taking mister afternoon and slim hathaway jr to the zoo any more.

hey fat boy, start making sense. no one likes a fat kid who doesn't make sense. well, no one likes you anyway (hence the declining sales of your band's records) but you should still try to make sense. i saw your hideous likeness on the cover of Alternative Press. i think it's realy cool to hang out with dudes that look like ladies and write on themselves. so 1993.

Peace everybody!

Call me insensitive but that was both funny and lame of you to say Mike. Very funny as in ha ha ha and lame as in I'm not surprised it took only one post to make a joke about "that song".

Dearest F. Mike,

CORPORATE PUNK STILL SUCKS.

Love,
Slim

I don't get why you guys insist on making fun of NoFX on Dr. Frank's blog. Seems pretty lame to me.

I never thought I'd see Kevin Smith and Fat Mike on the same comments post, much less on this blog.

all i know is that those 2 simple snapshots are quite intertaining. a glimpse into the doctors office. wait, is that an anitas anger cd case lying on the table? is it possibly spinning inside the intricate workings of Franks ibook? who knows.

I agree with the friendship turd

Yeah, Kev, give the man some pub. I see the beginning of a beautiful business relationship here.

I'll go see Jersey Girl -- promise.

ohh, yes yes for rosemount semillon. my fave stuff outside the schticky sweet alsacians...

thom, i hope you're being sarcastic with that wine talk. who are you? Frasier? This is punk board!! Sheesh!

glad to see you're back safe and sound. And you're probably not still freezing your ass off like i still am in minneapolis!

by the way, this isn't a place to rip on each other, so just settle

Sorry guys, my main objective in life right now is to get Prince on a soundtrack. It almost happened once, but I fucked up his video shoot at his estate in MN. Not gonna happen for Green Hornet though because I don't want any comparisons to Tim "Motherfucking cock-chucker" Burton. Maybe for Fletch though.

yes, erin, mindless agreement with everything is the answer.

well now we know its not really kevin if there was any doubt that last comment sealed it.

-Zeitgeist

I thought the top pic was a "taking retards to the zoo" tribute shot.

So joking!

*SIGH*

more importantly is that a blair witch thingy on
the shelf? worst movie ever!

i HAD to watch it for,and i am not lying...
a film class...i couldn't wait for all the
the characters to die and have my life back.

blair witch, that's a good movie. it's original. why don't you go rent super troopers or something.

Super Troopers is thrice as good as Blair Witch.

Spoken by a pretentious fuck who uses words like "thrice" that means a whole helluva lot.

Blair Witch, I found your plot highly soporiferous, your dramatis personae crushingly uncompelling, and your mise-en-scene dyspeptical. In the theater I went to, everyone who wasn't asleep or nauseated was laughing at you. Super Troopers was a delightful romp.

i'm sorry i don't even know super troopers,i just know
that the blair witch project is hours of my life gone and
destroyed,never to return.

even the instructor was somewhat apologetic for it,he
had some excuse for showing it,sadly i can't remember
what it possibly could have been.

I have to agree that Blair Witch was crap. Call me a masochist or a sellout, but I did enjoy Blair Witch 2, Book of Shadows. It was a more "by the book" horror flick, but it had real camera work, real actors and a real soundtrack. I may have to plop that in the old DVD player tonight......

i hate super troopers. Blair Witch was a bad movie, but it was more of a gimmick than a film anyways, and never ment to be playing in theaters worldwide. That kinda kills the whole urban legend feel of it. Super Troopers was just a really boring movie with the same kind of jokes as Old School, Road Trip, American Pie, and the like...

You're right about SuperTroopers, Mike, but I still liked it. Sure there wasn't anything "new" in it, it was the same old stuff since Porky's and Polica Academy but that doesn't mean it still wasn't funny. I saw it once, and may watch it again in the future but it's not something that I could view repeatedly.

They now sell an Optimus Prime with movable fingers. That's cool.

See: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/stores/detail/-/toys/B0001206P6/qid=1079252726/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-7958738-6196803

kevin-

absolutlely have to disagree. much as repetition
is a great comedy trick the same jokes do get tired. Once the Police Academy style humor went
past the eighties it became tired.

just like comic book movies for the next
five years;)(great though they are)

oh for the days when hollywood wrote
their own scripts and even ones that
weren't hackeneyed(or some similiar spelling)

beth

But I haven't seen Police Academy or Porky's in about 10 years or so and therefore it was kind of a throwback. It's difficult to write and produce something that hasn't already been done in some way shape or form. Same way in music too. Somebody will say tell me about this band "XYZ's Revenge" and what somebody will conjure up is a response saying "oh, they're kind of like a cross between Poison and Elton John" (purely fictitious). People like formula's anyway. That's why there is so many remakes coming out. I mean, do we really need a Dawn of the Dead remake? George Romero's was good enough. Remember how pissed off people were at George Lucas when The Phantom Menace sucked so bad? They wanted something more formulatic and thus were happier with Attack of the Clones because it was a lot more like the Empire Strikes Back. I agree that in the town of Perfectsville in the Wonderful Land of Oz, it would be perfect and mind-blowing if every single piece of music, art and literature were 100% original but sadly that's both not possible and not what the public wants.

so I and all my friends don't count as the public?

so I don't live in reality what's it too ya?

isn't Silent Bob supposed to not talk?

so I and all my friends don't count as the public?
You are part of the public, not the public as a whole. The vast majority of people are sheep.

so I don't live in reality what's it too ya?
Who ever said anything was wrong with that?

isn't Silent Bob supposed to not talk?
You're the exception baby.

okay as long as you're admitting it...
although i've come to a point in my thinking
where I would say sheep in a negative way is
a little harsh...

more like not used to new things...but
that doesn't mean the average joe doesn't
see the pattern of movies...

they get tired of it too.

and also,i'm not saying it has to be
completely new it just has to be good...

and hopefully not based on a book,at this
rate I could just read more...
which I already should anyways.

humoring you that you are he,
beth

p.s. others are welcome to comment too
otherwise I might as well just email him.

humoring you that you are he,

--he who?-- ;-)

well now we know its not really kevin if there was any doubt that last comment sealed it.
-Zeitgeist

--I can assure you I AM Kevin Smith. Maybe just not the one you're thinking of, but maybe so too.--

I never thought I'd see Kevin Smith and Fat Mike on the same comments post, much less on this blog.

--Who said my last name was Smith? It is, but do I write, direct and produce movies? I never professed that I did. It's more fun to let you decide.--

Sorry guys, my main objective in life right now is to get Prince on a soundtrack. It almost happened once, but I fucked up his video shoot at his estate in MN. Not gonna happen for Green Hornet though because I don't want any comparisons to Tim "Motherfucking cock-chucker" Burton. Maybe for Fletch though.

-- just playing along and btw....the above story is true and can be viewed in it's entirety on the DVD entitled "An Evening With Kevin Smith" available at all fine video establishments as well as the viewaskew.com webstore. --

I'm just saying,whoever you are you can't talk
about Tim Burton that way...you just can't...

he hasn't lost touch...

I know he hasn't...

I'm almost sure of it.

Planet Of The Apes.

That is all.

Hey Dr. Frank, belated congratulations on an excellent tour. It was actually the first opportunity I've had to see your band, and you guys have an awesome live sound (in addition to your recordings, naturally). I hope Texas treated ya'll well - and, though it may be a while, I know I'm not the only one looking forward to seeing The Mr. T Experience again.

Let me add to that list.....to be fair, Burton is not to blame for the Batman blaspheming Joel Schumacher is. Words can't describe my loathe for him, he made Batman gay.

Tim Burton fuck ups:

Planet of the Apes
Ed Wood
Mars Attacks
Pee Wee's Big Adventure
Frankenweenie
and soon to be Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

I haven't seen Big Fish yet, but I'd like to. It actually looks good.

Joel Schumacher's fuck ups:
Being born

Let me add to that list.....to be fair, Burton is not to blame for the Batman blaspheming Joel Schumacher is. Words can't describe my loathe for him, he made Batman gay.

Tim Burton fuck ups:

Planet of the Apes
Ed Wood
Mars Attacks
Pee Wee's Big Adventure
Frankenweenie
and soon to be Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

I haven't seen Big Fish yet, but I'd like to. It actually looks good.

Joel Schumacher's fuck ups:
Being born

Ed Wood is Burton's best work. How do you possibly improve that film?

And Pee Wee's Big Adventure is an American classic.

I can understand not liking Burton after some of the stupid shit he's done, but these two movies are absolutely not "fuck ups." Sleepy Hollow belongs on that list, no Pee Wee and Ed Wood.

Mr Psmith,

I also happen to have liked Mars Attacks,
Forgive me for finding it most amusing.

Big Fish was okay.

I see that nobody is rushing to the defense of Joel Schumacher though...... At least we can all agree on that.

I think I've enjoyed maybe two Joel Schumacher films. Falling Down was kind of badass, but he mostly deals in shit.

All I can say about Burton is that, while I've enjoyed some of his work, he's never had a dvd in the criterion collection, the best "collection" of dvds out there. Chasing Amy much?

I failed to mention that was aimed at "Kevin."

Dammit, actually I did mention it... sort of.

Nobody's invading anything. I didn't start the topic on movies, Beth did, well kinda sorta, and there's nothing wrong with that. Besides, there hasn't been a new topic posted here in a while so we're bored and use this space for our amusement. If Frank doesn't want us to, then that's cool. You want to visit and post at a Kevin Smith blog? Go to http://www.viewaskew.com and play around a little bit. You'll find there IS a blog there and that you must PAY for it. Be my guest and come on over, pay to join the blog, buy some merchadise. How about a Buddy Christ statue, some Clerks action figures and a few DVDs, starting with "An Evening With Kevin Smith"? Then if you still are jonsing for some more Kevin, go out and buy some back-issues of Daredevil from http://www.marvel.com and thank you for your kind words and support! No offense taken or implied in inverse.

Okay, some I'm a whore....I know it....

i think it is my fault,sorry frank
that's what you get for having a blair
witch thingy in the picture.

by the by as for more earlier comments,
this is the thing...

okay i buy fat mike being here...he's in the
bay area,he's in the punk scene,and
he's also kinda of an activist.

but do tell how does kevin smith find his
way to doctor frank's blog?

It's a small small world we live in and on the internet nobody is who they say they are and anybody who is usually is told they're lying. That's why I'm not saying that I am the director named Kevin Smith, just that I am a Kevin Smith. What does it matter if I am the critically acclaimed Kevin Smith? He/I are just regular guys too. I'm sure there is probably a dozen or so Frank Portmans out there as well.

dude...telling frank's last name is NOT cool.

Is it some kind of super-secret? If so, then I'm afraid we'll have to kill you now, Kevin.

I don't know, eegNOraymuss (great name), I just read this. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00013MX06/103-3862338-2831867?v=glance&vi=reviews

Sorry, no harm intended.

It (the above) almost reads like an A&E biography.

These comments are hilarious.

Kev,

Just curious -- have Buddy Christ statue sales gone through the roof since Passion's release?

Can you guys shut up already? Now girls take off your clothes and post pics.

watch out ben(ito) - soon they'll be contesting whether or not that's really you... then the jostling for celebrity/punk-rock points might get really ugly.

Right now I'm concerned with two things--

First thing. Where is Dr. Frank? I seem to recall reading in the alt.tellingfrankslastnameisnotcool newsgroup that if you trick Dr. Frank into saying his last name backwards, and in Ubby-Dubby, he is immediately transported into another dimension where people speak only Ubby-Dubby. I fear that this may have happened. Who would've done such a diabolical thing? My money is on the LaRouchies.

Second thing. I'm wondering what frank wears besides Chuck Taylors. My three guesses: bunny slippers, PJs with feet, or those impossibly long, rainbow colored knit socks with individual toes. I'm just guessing here. I have no solid data on this.

I almost pissed myself because that was so damn funny, Sheckie. The Mr. Mxyzptlk reference was great. Don't even start asking me about any Superman movie. Happy St. Patricks Day! It's Guinness time!

If I get my friends to buy more MTX CDs, will you have more money to buy better wine?

i'm finding myself quite perplexed by that amazon.com review. i think that just might be one of the strangest things i've ever read on the internet.

FRANK- PLEASE...post a new thing,i could
yammer on all day and night about movies and things that have nothing to do with reality,
but i just don't got the time.

i tire of this post something new.

unless others disagree?

C'mon baby reality is what you make of it. I love movies. Makes me forget about life, the universe and everything. How about we split a bottle of the ole' Janx spirit, eh?

I just read Tristin Laughter's "About the Artist" section on the aforementioned Amazon page. Did Frank grow up in Mill Valley as she claims, or did he grow up in Millbrae? I think B.J. Honeycutt from M*A*S*H was from Mill Valley. Frank seems more like a Millbrae product. And is his last name really supposed to be a secret? It has appeared in this space before and nobody reacted.

Enjoy your break, Dr. Frank. And I second the motion for an MTX homecoming show in Berkeley, San Francisco, Oakland, Mill Valley, or Millbrae. Now about that Guinness....

If it's supposed to be a secret, it's not much of one considering it's been posted here before and you can find it doing a google search.

Looking forward to a new post.

There must be somebody that liked "Blair Witch", it made like A million dollars with a production cost of 60k. Say what you will "Kevin" but i don't think you can top that. Besides i thought it was funny scary and cool. But i guess i'm just a simple fuck. Super troopers was funny but banal. I'd rather see a low tech art film that's maybe a little naive and crappy. But it might have deeper meaning than whats on the screen. Something that may resonate beyond the obvious. The film's success belies all your effete poo-poo-ing.

"Blair Witch, I found your plot highly soporiferous, your dramatis personae crushingly uncompelling, and your mise-en-scene dyspeptical. In the theater I went to, everyone who wasn't asleep or nauseated was laughing at you. Super Troopers was a delightful romp."

Delightful romp? who the hell talks like that?
I hope this is meant to be parody and not your actual vocabulary. You're nauseating. Do you think this sort of thing makes you smart???
Ugh. Ease up on the Thesaurus, you're gonna hurt yourself, junior.