June 06, 2004

Mao-y Wow-y

Somehow I stumbled on these pages of "Maoist" music and movie reviews from the Maoist Internationalist Movement. Just reading at random was good for half an hour or so of decent amusement.

The primary consideration in these reviews is whether the work in question needs to be banned immediately as soon as the party seizes power; or whether, on the other hand, it is sufficiently harmless that its banning can safely proceed at a more leisurely pace. The first pass will, theoretically, leave a small chunk of pop culture more or less intact.

But make no mistake; ultimately, very little will be spared, and they've got the censorship and book-burning machine all fired up and ready to go:

When we disapprove of something we mean to ban it upon seizure of state power... The party has yet to approve a specific percentage of films and music that it believes should be banned. This will be a task of a future party congress. Judging from reviews done so far, I would guesstimate it appears that MIM would ban 95% of existing performing arts culture.

But they have their prioirities, as I mentioned. "In the first round of censoring music," they write, "either by outright banning or revision, we will have to focus on the outwardly sick and misogynist music..." Thus, the Cars will be spared the first round of censorship. The Police, too. "Promotion of the romance culture" is bad, but not that bad. It can wait.

The Rolling Stones' Hot Rocks doesn't fare so well, though: "some of the songs on this album are near the top of the list 'To Be Censored Under the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.'"

This would include most of the girl songs (er, make that, wimmin songs) I suppose. But other Stones songs do get the MIM seal of approval, such as Sympathy for the Devil. You know, because it "is talking about wars and assassinations." Of course. Furthermore:

another song with a positive spin to it is "Gimme Shelter" which is about war, rape and murder. It's hard to make out the first word of what Jagger is saying: "War, children, it's just a shot away It's just a shot away." While Jagger constantly puts down adult wimmin, his attitude toward children is more correct, at least with regard to war and drug-dealing...

One random thing I love about these reviews: the continual use of the word "Persynal," which sounds like a great name for a psycho-tropic or anti-anxiety medication, but is actually, of course, an attempt at a gender-neutral spelling for "personal." Syn of a butch!

Another random thing I like: even the reviews of the music at the top of the "to be burned" list have "buy it from Amazon" links. Take that, Imperialist Swine!

The movie reviews are every bit as awesome. Check out A Bug's Life (which they fault for not realizing its full potential as an allegory contra U$ Imperialism); and The Lord of the Rings (in which a quotation from Chairman Mao identifies the true heroes of the story: Boromir and Saruman!)

The final scene of Spiderman, in which Peter Parker ultimately chooses superheroism over love, presents, for the Maos, "the most important political message in the movie":

This is the asexuality that MIM praises as a superior romantic practice.

Oh, and I almost forgot: even though much of the Jagger/Richard songbook will be summarily erased from our cultural memory by whatever means necessary, there is at least one rock song that the Maos like more or less unreservedly, or at least with enough enthusiam to reserve a permanent place for it in the saving 5%, out of bounds for censorship. "Fortunately for us communists, we agree with its message." That would be "Stairway to Heaven," babies and gentlemen. Asexual slowdance! Ah, it makes you wonder...

There's lots more where that came from, believe me. Read 'em while you still can.

Posted by Dr. Frank at June 6, 2004 02:48 AM | TrackBack

that was rather longwinded. why not refresh yourself with www.rayparkerjr.com

its so simple!

Posted by: sanford sharpie at June 6, 2004 07:57 AM

Sanford Sharpie, I honestly cannot decide whether or not you are spam.

Posted by: Dr. Frank at June 6, 2004 04:29 PM

Why don't I get spam like that? It still leaves me feeling like I need to shower again but at least it's funny!

Posted by: Lynn at June 6, 2004 05:44 PM

you're right it is spam:
specially prepared assorted mirth!

rock on good dr.

Posted by: sanford sharpie at June 6, 2004 07:11 PM

Wow. I'm speechless. I cannot believe these people are for real. Now to go refresh myself with some chrisfabulous.com while I can, before the revolution comes.
Oh yeah, Frank. I never got to thank you for playing "Deep Deep Down" for me in Philly. I could have done it in person, I suppose, but I feel weird walking up to someone who I know but doesn't know me and starting a conversation. It's always a weird dynamic. Next time you're in town have a solo-acoustic arrangement of "Ba Ba Ba Ba" ready to whip out, in case I decide to make a fool of myself and yell out the first MTX song that comes to mind again. Ah, good times.

Posted by: Chris Fabulous at June 7, 2004 12:56 PM

Rather than changing all the "-son" words to eliminate gender bias ("persyn" "reasyn" "masyn"), wouldn't it be easier to leave the "-son" alone and change the spelling of "son?" Seems more efficient.

Posted by: Nick at June 7, 2004 05:05 PM

Though it hardly needs to be said (though that won't stop me from saying it), the etymology of person has nothing to do with son. It's fun to learn new things, so:

person - OF: persone -> L:persona -> Etruscan: phersu (mask)
son - OE: sunu -> G:sunuz (birth)

"Gender bureaucrat enemy of the people 'Fairy Godmother' lives off the exploited workers and spreads her poisonous visions of the future everywhere."

You'd be hard-pressed to write a parody of this capable of any exaggeration.

Posted by: dave bug at June 7, 2004 06:51 PM

They were very critical of LOTR, but liked Tales From The Hood

Posted by: Michael Lee at June 7, 2004 07:23 PM

hmm...don't know if anyone cares anymore,
but just in case...

the thing about these things is they put in so much thought they forget to think.

they make assumptions that people should read
IRAQ when watching DUNE.(the only semi-classic
movie they talk about in my opinion) That's
prepostourous,it was a book long before that.
Maybe not I ROBOT old(another thing I will probably only ever be reading)but before those
particular struggles nonetheless.

Correct me if I'm wrong here.

Posted by: just me at June 8, 2004 10:44 PM

You have moved me.


Posted by: Gary Farber at June 9, 2004 01:31 AM