June 16, 2004

Total Quality Sephiroth

Madonna reveals why she has chosen to be a prominent celebri-spokes-mystic for the ersatz, strip-mall American Kabbala favored by many of today's most glittering socialites: "it's incredibly punk-rock."

Posted by Dr. Frank at June 16, 2004 03:51 PM | TrackBack

That's the stupidest thing... I've ever read...

Posted by: David at June 16, 2004 07:23 PM

I can hardly wait for June 21. How often does the summer solstice coincide with the release of a great book? Yakov and the Seven Thieves, eh? The title sounds naughty. Itís sure to be a red-letter day. Iíll have to remember to pick up my shit. Punk rock indeed.

Posted by: j. francis at June 16, 2004 07:54 PM

I think she may have more trouble getting people to call her Esther than Prince had with his name change.

Posted by: dave bug at June 16, 2004 10:37 PM

with due respect to The Princess Bride

Madonna: "Kabbala,...is "incredibly punk rock" "

World: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Posted by: Sal M at June 16, 2004 10:58 PM


you mean punk rock isn't all about image
and how many "this one time i was so drunk"
stories you can tell?

i've been so decieved.

Posted by: just me at June 16, 2004 11:16 PM

A selection of things that, according to google are "so punk rock":

work, Halloween, Microsoft, drowning, having special ring tones, white hair, John Lennon, acupuncture, the blink tag, binary, male pattern baldness, PMS inspired wonder, sarcasm.

Posted by: dave bug at June 17, 2004 12:05 AM

Punk rock?

Work? No, but neccessary.

Halloween? I guess.

Microsoft? No, but necessary? I don't know.

Drowning? If it's in your own vomit, yes.

Having special ring tones? No.

White hair? Yes.

John Lennon? Yes.

Acupuncture. No.

The blink tag? No. Just annoying. On second thought, maybe so, then. I hate it, though.

Binary? No.

Male pattern baldness? Yes.

PMS inspired wonder? Fuck yes. (Maybe it's not "punk rock" but it's such a crazy phrase that I'm getting excited just reading it. Now to experience it...)

Sarcasm. No. (In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic.)

So it was written, so it shall come to pass.

Posted by: Chris Fabulous at June 17, 2004 12:50 AM

Uh, lemme get this straight. A Catholic raised girl who took on the name of "Madonna" and made the sacreligous video "Like A Prayer" then humped every man, woman, beast and Dennis Rodman she could on stage nonetheless before marrying an Elnglishman who made a movie called "Snatch" is now a "traditional mother" and a Hebrew. Somebody somewhere is confused and I think her name is Sharon, Esther or whatever......

Posted by: Zaphod Beeblebrox at June 17, 2004 01:12 AM

i met a little white dog named esther today, i'd much rather listen to her bark for no reason than hear madonna talk for no reason.

Posted by: myke at June 17, 2004 02:50 AM


Er... that is. Esther rulzzz.

I like how Madonna gets much praise for "reinventing" herself. I've always just considered her that skanky chick who's ruining feminism.

Posted by: swimmy at June 17, 2004 04:19 AM

Well, to be fair, Zaphod, Madonna was born with the name Madonna. Her full name was Madonna Veronica Louise Ciccone.

I don't think the video for "Like a Prayer" is sacreligious, either. It uses religious imagery to make a point about racism.

That said, saying Kaballah is "so punk rock" is rather dumb.

Posted by: Duncan at June 17, 2004 03:28 PM

a.so she even more pretentiously changed
her name? or what is the deal? to be honest
i didn't know she was trying to have people
call her something else.

b.on second point of defense,i've always
thought her whole schpeel is pretty superficial and hokey. except for maybe a song or two.

Posted by: just me at June 17, 2004 07:06 PM

I've heard what you've said also Duncan, but back in the 80's she also said that her real name was Sharon Ciccone. At least she stuck with the same last name. I think that she may suffer from Schizophrenia (sp????).

I also think Jon Von may have said it best when he posed the question "What is punk?"

Posted by: Zaphod Beeblebrox at June 17, 2004 07:07 PM

yes and maybe...

whilst these things amuse me I think while
that was a valid point then,frankly(apologies)
the point is mute these days.

Posted by: just me at June 17, 2004 07:33 PM

Madonna brings new meaning to the term "identity crisis"

Posted by: Davey at June 17, 2004 08:13 PM

Well, the thieves are all nailed up and ready to go

(They're ready to go now!)

They've got their crosses and they're going to Calvary-Go-Go

But she just couldn't stay
She had to break away

Kaballah really has it all...

(amen! amen!)

Esther is a Punk Rocker!

Posted by: sheckie at June 17, 2004 08:56 PM

don't let the jews for jesus
hear you say that.

Posted by: just me at June 17, 2004 10:11 PM

you kill me, Sheckie...

Posted by: Dr. Frank at June 17, 2004 10:21 PM

Hmmmm. Wondering what the Kabbala (even the strip-mall version) has to say with trying to resecue your career by kissing other skanks on stage. Somehow I don't see desperation as punk rock...

Posted by: Chrees at June 17, 2004 11:09 PM

Sheckie, OK that's funny, but you did a bad thing, man, you kinda almost made what Madonna/Esther said be true.

I once thought that Madonna should have been in the Ramones, since she wore a leather jacket in the Borderline video. But that was a really, really long time ago, and it was a bad idea even when she was young but still skanky. Now she's old and skanky, maybe she can use her kabbalism to raise Joey Ramone from the dead. Anybody know if that will work? It may be worth a try.

Posted by: Lexington Green at June 17, 2004 11:50 PM

Speaking of the Ramones, they are fading fast. Marky said that Johnny won't be with us much loger. The cancer has spread really bad. Very sad news.....

Posted by: Zaphod Beeblebrox at June 18, 2004 12:55 AM

Punks believe in immortality? That's truly a scary thought -- we're talking more than a lifetime of misery here.

Posted by: JB at June 19, 2004 01:24 AM

Yeah, I guess it's pretty much the direct opposite of both "live fast, die young" and "no future."

Posted by: Dave Bug at June 19, 2004 10:19 PM

Kabbalah: incredibly punk rock.
Talmud: voiciferously prog rock.
Haftorah: grudgingly alt-country.
Dead Sea Scrolls: perplexingly neo-lounge.

Posted by: div at June 21, 2004 02:50 PM

Zaphod, that is unbelievably horrible news. Do you have link to any news story or anything with the details?

Johnny Ramone is one of the four or five greatest figures in the history of rock. He's not even old. He wasn't a junkie.

No. No. No.

Posted by: Lexington Green at June 24, 2004 07:53 PM

yep,he could be next...sad to say...you know
they go in threes.

Posted by: just me at June 24, 2004 08:54 PM

she thinks she's being real
but i can see through her speil
look at me and write me up in your
crappy magazine(she says)
the whole thing is for publicity.
feeding her ego or record sales
it's distinct complicity
i hope your austin martin gets destroyed by hail
madonna, you pretentious pseudo british jew bitch!

Posted by: politically non correcto, jr. at June 30, 2004 07:32 AM