Dr. Frank's What's-it

Wow! What I wouldn't give to be Madonna's friend!
I can imagine it now...
We'd go on adventures in caverns armed with only a flashlight and PB&J sandwiches. Afterwards we would ride bikes down Dead Man's Hill before sharing red friendship Kabbalah bracelets and a nice cold Damn with Kabbalah cubes.

There's a special part of hell for people like Madonna...

C'mon now! I'd bathe in Kabbalah water for a chance to "go back in time and delete the negative actions."

This from the SF Examiner via the Sun:
As soon as Madonna wraps up her Reinvention Tour in Portugal next month, she's planning to meet up with a couple of hundred other wealthy Kabbalists for a pilgrimage to the Holy Land.

A source told The Sun that Madonna believes the trip to Israel will allow her to undo her checkered past and better her life energy. The trip is reportedly costing Mo, her husband and their two kids nearly $37,000.

But, according to a brochure, it's worth every penny: "You have the chance to go back in time and delete all the negative actions. Once your slate is clean, you have the opportunity to restart your life."

Damn, indeed!

If you get a chance, look for information about Madonna's particular brand of Kabbalah. It's a cult; complete with brainwashing techniques, threats and intimidation of it's members. Now, it is following the scientology mold and using celebreties as recruiters. It would be funny if it wasn't so dangerous, as the cult has a history of abusing it's non-celebrety members.

Wow, j francis, now it really sounds like they're copying the Scientologists' playbook. Going into the past so you can "clean your slate" to restart your life, almost exactly the same kind of terminology, too. It's like some sort of evolutionary convergence of scammy Hollywood cults.

Speaking of a more mainstream religion, although the Catholic Church finds nothing wrong with electric votives, they apparently cannot abide wheat-free host. See http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/news/local/states/new_jersey/9387217.htm?ERIGHTS=6904195752169043007philly:.

The gist of the story: an 8-year-old girl with a disorder called celiac disease wants to take her first communion. Unfortunately, celiac makes eating wheat gluten extremely dangerous. According to the Inqy, "The only effective treatment is strict adherence to a gluten-free diet; otherwise, problems can include osteoporosis, tooth-enamel defects, nervous-system damage, internal hemorrhaging, organ disorders, and a greater likelihood of gastrointestinal cancer."

The girl's mom asked the diocese for gluten-free communion wafers, but was told no go, Jesus used wheat-based unleavened bread at the Last Supper, so without any wheat your Host is just a cracker. No absolution for you! The Vatican is backing up this doctrinal position.

Anyone else remember Jesus saying, "A man is corrupted not by what goes into his mouth, but by what comes out of it." I guess that doesn't apply to little 8-year-old girls.

Kaballah water? WTF???? I can see it now tons of destitute Kaballah worshipers littering the Kaballah reservations drunken on the white-man's Kaballah water?

Nick -- that story resembles a South Park episode, where the kids are concerned that Timmy is going to go to hell. Since he can only say "Timmy!", he can't confess his sins to the priest.

http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/GuidePageServlet/showid-344/epid-2473/

Nick,

What a distressing story. As a Catholic (and a former altar boy!), I’ve quietly endured the hypocrisy of the church over the years. As of late I have grown increasingly less tolerant of nonsensical church doctrine. If you truly believe in transubstantiation, it seems to me it wouldn’t matter if the priest used a Necco wafer or wheat-based unleavened bread. Would Jesus really care?

My mother, a devout Catholic herself, died unexpectedly earlier this year. I can’t begin to describe the degree of sadness that enveloped my being – it was unlike any sensation/emotion I have ever experienced in my life. The good pastor of her parish, rather than offer comfort during this painful time, turned out to be an elusive prick. The funeral arrangements were handled by an administrative layperson at the church who seemed appropriately caring and sympathetic. Father Selfrighteous Bastard emerged at the funeral Mass, and announced that my family would not be allowed to eulogize my mother in HIS church – citing some obscure Vatican canon. I’ve been to dozens of Catholic funerals and had never heard about this rule.

I’m not sure why I felt compelled to share this with a group of total strangers. The story of the little girl suffering from celiac is just the latest chapter. The priestly sex scandals from Boston to Portland, the proposed ex-communication of John Kerry, steadfast refusal to acknowledge homosexuality as a legitimate lifestyle, failure to promote (or accept) the use of prophylactics in AIDS-ridden countries have all collectively tarnished the church’s halo in my eyes. But I still won’t eat meat on Fridays during Lent. I guess that’s my little red bracelet; just not as conspicuous, I suppose.

The Church teaches that Christ is fully present in both the bread and the wine. I've worked as a lay eucharistic minister at my parish, taking communion to people in the hospital and nursing homes and what not, I've been told that if a person is incapable of eating bread for any various reason that just consuming the wine will be more than efficient for getting the job done. Is there anything wrong with this eight year old girl that restricts her from drinking wine.

There are plenty of Catholics in hospitals and nursing homes who are incapable of eating solid foods. So this hardly seems like a unique problem to me.

j francis, I'm very sorry for your loss. I agree that Jesus wouldn't seem to care (it's not like he said "This is my blood and my body, but that rice cracker over there is nothing"), but I'm sure there's a great deal of "rules are rules" ideas floating around the Church. Maybe that's what made your priest act so insensitively at your mother's funeral mass, thinking that his main job was to enforce the Church's rules rather then to care for his parishoners, which I would think would be the overarching rule. I'm Jewish, but that's my two cents, FWIW.

Ron, the article actually says that the mom in this case doesn't want her 8-year old drinking wine, which seems like a pretty reasonable stance for her to take. So I guess what's "wrong with her" is that her mom doesn't want her drinking alcohol. It's this kind of situation that turns people off to all kinds of orthodoxy, because the arbitrary rules take on a life and purpose of their own, even when they seem clearly to contradict the intended purpose of the religion. I doubt the Kabbalists will encounter this sort of problem -- if any arbitrary rules interfere with their ability to make vast sums of money off spiritually distressed, overpaid entertainers...uh, I mean, to clear people's pasts so they can start with a clean slate, I'm fully confident that they'll change the rules and cash the checks.

At my and many other churches they use grape juice in place of "wine" or offer a choice between the two. Seems like an all too simple answer to the problem.

Also, J. Francis, it's good to see that your blaming the man and not the church for the unfortunate and saddening incident that you had. That's the mark of an intelligent person versus a righteous idiot.

if you have the time or energy to "insist" anything regarding ice cubes, you have entirely too much time and energy. imo.

i like that idea Zaphod,to my meager knowledge
what they refered to as wine was(thought probably not always I guess)actually just grape juice.

in my church they use bread(and i'm sure they would have no problem with using gluten free) and water. But should you really be that curious as to wonder why i'd rather you email me than open up that can of worms here.

by the by why Zaphod? I mean if you really want
to immulate somebody I'd be Ford Prefect. Now there's a froog who knows where his towel is.

I just find it ironic that the liberal left is criticizing religious cults. As if religious dogma is somehow qualitatively inferior to political. Heh. You guys are funny.

It's cool, Beth. Anytime you want to e-mail me, I'd be more than happy to have a conversation with you. My real e-mail address is as noted in this post: zaphodbeeblebrox45202@yahoo.com. I only shorten it when I post, because it is so long. I find that I agree with what you say probably 9 times out of 10. Ford Prefect to me was always a goober and Arthur was the pentultimate dork. I found my favorite charactes in the book were Tricia for her unwittingly comedic timing for showing er inteligence as opposed to being a tagalong pretty face and Marvin for well, if you've read the book then you know why....I can't wait for the new movie!

One more thing......I HATE to be a beggar, but Frank or anybody else, would you be sooooooo kind as to send me a copy of "Love American Style" in AAC or MP3 format (doesn't matter) in 128K format or better (because my CD is scratched and I want to put "Revenge is Sweet" on my IPOD). I suppose if nobody replies, then I'll shell out another 10-15bux but I don't want to feed the record company's bank account. If I could buy direct from Frank and the whole amount would go to him, then that'd be Kosher and I'd be more than willing. As a matter of fact, I've got Pay7ypal and so do you Frank, so how about it????? Thanks in advance, all.....

i wouldn't take up space here,but i decided to send something and your address is not my emails
friend. it says there's something wrong with it.

that's the right one for real? I'll try again.

JB,
I don't recall anyone saying that. I don't even recall anyone saying they're leftist. I, personally, don't much care for scientology or communism. Let's not take our Ayn Rand too seriously.

Beth, it's: zaphodbeeblebrox45202@yahoo.com

ahhhhhh I see, I screwed up in the first post above and put an underscore in it... The one immediately before this post is corrected...sorry

digressing again folks...i tried it both
ways zaphod. i ll try again(thank goodness
for drafts)but maybe you should try writing
me and i'll reply/forward.

The Catholic church is out of control. its the idiotic Catholic church peoople who are effectively condemning this girl, not Jesus. In true Christianity, it matters little what sort of prefabricated wafer you use for first communion. I think JC would even be cool with a slice of Wonder.