February 13, 2005

Julie and Kelly

I guess this is Found Stuff day over here at Dr. Frank's What's-it.

Today I found a hoard of wedding cards, Christmas cards, birthday cards, and other random stuff from the lives of two people named Kelly and Julie. The were scattered all over the street, but had clearly once been kept together in a paper shopping bag.

While I wouldn't totally rule out the possibility that this is a lesbian couple, my guess is that it's a run-of-the-mill heterosexual marriage and that Kelly is a man - the wedding greetings are too white-bread and normal and there's no hint of alternate lifestyle-ness about any of this stuff. But I could be wrong.

The wedding appears to have taken place in 2003, but the Christmas cards that were bundled with them (many of which are really priceless home-computer-generated pieces of Americana) seem to be from this past year. I'd guess that Julie was the one who had kept this stuff together, because the birthday cards are all addressed to her. And because one of the items is a little folder from a pharmacy containing a prescription and an empty card that once held her birth-control pills.

There was also a TV remote control, and an empty bottle of shampoo.

I'm not going show and tell it all right now, but here are some dribs and drabs, with more to come later perhaps.

item 1:
a fortune cookie fortune that reads:

Keep your plans secret for now.

item 2:
a ticket stub from August 2003, for the movie Up Town Girls.

item 3:
an index card on which is written in ballpoint pen in a rather child-like, girlie hand:

DVD's to Own
Salton Sea
fight Club
American Psycho
Die Hard
Bad Boys
Sweet home Alabama
My Big Fat Greek Wedding

item 4:
a tag from a Cacique bra that cost twenty-eight dollars. ("sexy... sensual cacique") Size: 48D.

item 5:
two pages from a notepad in the shape of a big, purple "J," on which is written:

Things to do

Get CD's together
CD player/headphones



makeup bag
curling iron

the steps
[these three items are crossed out]

Shaving Cream
Jergens Shaveless lotion

More later, perhaps.

Posted by Dr. Frank at February 13, 2005 07:42 PM | TrackBack

Man oh man! All kinds of free entertainment to be had. Glad I'm moving down to Oakland in a couple of months and can partake!

Posted by: DamnDirtySteve at February 13, 2005 11:17 PM

That is truly an awesome find. With the birth control pill case? Man, oh man. Can't wait to hear more.

Reminds me of moving out after a breakup and finding the ticket stub for "Immortal Beloved" that my ex had gone and seen without me...

Posted by: Wes at February 14, 2005 04:23 AM

Holy crap! That's the same fortune cookie fortune I got at lunch on Saturday. LOL

Posted by: DNB at February 14, 2005 06:00 AM

Oh...and 48D? Woo woo!

Posted by: DNB at February 14, 2005 06:14 AM

I'm with DNB, 48D!!! Didn't happen to find any other measurements, eh Frank?

Posted by: Zaphod at February 14, 2005 10:12 AM

You pigs.

Posted by: Kid Somnambulist at February 14, 2005 03:30 PM

Do you just pick this stuff on the street? what happens after that? Do you throw it all away?

I did a double-take when I read that bra tag. Holy crap!

Posted by: Davey at February 14, 2005 05:28 PM

Oh man, I am so jealous! I haven't found anything for awhile. Can't wait to see more.

Posted by: Megan at February 15, 2005 05:38 PM

That sounds like a ton of stuff. Were there any clues as to why/how it ended up abandoned?

It's hilarious thinking of you chasing it all down and walking away with arms full of some giant pile of what everyone else considered trash.

Posted by: Dave Bug at February 16, 2005 02:20 PM

Imagining Dr. Frank with arms full of trash and self-satisfied smile on his face.

Posted by: DNB at February 16, 2005 05:34 PM

Yeah, Daves: it's a funny lifestyle.

Posted by: Dr. Frank at February 16, 2005 05:35 PM