June 08, 2004

All Your Base, etc.

''I don't understand the base system at all,'' Jesse said, lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling. ''If making out is first base, what's second base?''

''We need to establish an international base system,'' Brian said. ''Because right now, frankly, no one knows what's up with the bases. And that's a problem.''

Jesse nodded in agreement. ''First base is obviously kissing,'' Brian said.

''Obviously,'' Jesse said.

''But here's the twist,'' Brian said. ''Historically, second base was breasts. But I don't think second base is breasts anymore. I think that's just a given part of first base. I mean, how can you make out without copping a feel?''

''True,'' Jesse said. ''And if third base is oral, what's second base?''

''How does this work for girls?'' asked Ashley, the 17-year-old junior. ''I mean, are the bases what's been done to you, or what you've done?''

''If it's what base you've gone to with a girl, you go by whoever had more done,'' Jesse told her.

''But we're girls,'' Ashley said. ''So we've got on bases with guys?''

''Right, but it doesn't matter,'' Jesse said. ''It's not what base you've had done to you, it's what bases you get to.''

Kate shook her head. ''I'm totally lost.''

''See how complicated this is?'' Brian said. ''Now if someone asks you, 'So, how far did you get with her?' you have to say, 'Well, how do your bases go?' ''

Posted by Dr. Frank at June 8, 2004 04:03 PM | TrackBack

This article looks good, but I can't possibly pretend to be working while reading the whole thing.

I remember having similarly convoluted conversations in high school on the exact qualities of "messing around." I usually ended up just going with "snogging," since none of us had an preconceived ideas about what that would entail, though I recently heard it stops at kissing.

Posted by: dave bug at June 8, 2004 04:43 PM

Highschool? Man, I'm 26 and I have this conversation like every day. It's a debate that will never be resolved.

Posted by: Chach at June 8, 2004 05:39 PM

hooters is a "family restaurant"?

it makes me sad to think that high school kids are having a more active sex life than me. it also makes me feel like a loser since i'm not a "player." brings back so many memories of high school...

Posted by: kendra at June 8, 2004 06:32 PM

For a variety of reasons (almost all good), I've situated myself in a lifestyle where there are many fewer conversations about who I am or am not messing around with.

As much fun as those conversations were, I hope to keep it this way.

Posted by: dave bug at June 8, 2004 07:08 PM

When in doubt just say "all her base are belong to us"

Posted by: Mike at June 8, 2004 10:04 PM

Who's on First?

Well, I was going to cut and paste the whole thing, but it was kind of long, so I didn't want to piss off Frank.

Enjoy --courtesy of Zaphod--


Posted by: Lou Costello at June 8, 2004 10:29 PM

"I usually ended up just going with "snogging," since none of us had an preconceived ideas about what that would entail, though I recently heard it stops at kissing."

I've only ever heard "snogging" in relation to kissing; it's originally a Britishism, in my experience, and I have plenty of sources of it being used in the Fifties; I don't know how much further back it goes, off-hand.

Posted by: Gary Farber at June 9, 2004 12:15 AM

This makes me think of that Woody Allen bit where he pinch-hits for McCovey.

Posted by: aaron at June 9, 2004 01:41 PM

mike: Afuckinmen brother!

Posted by: Danny at June 9, 2004 05:02 PM

my co-worker and I just worked out the base situation. First is making out and heavy petting, Second is oral, either party recieving, third is actual sexual intercourse, and a home run is either, a manage-et-trois, or the forbidden for most anal. You may think I'm wrong, but this is just the way it is.

Posted by: ChristCrusher at June 9, 2004 10:33 PM

First off... Sarcasm is a hard thing to read... and so with that said...
"A soccer player with shaggy blond hair and a muscular body, he likes to lift his shirt at inappropriate times (like now, to the Hooters waitress) and scream, ''I've had sex!'' Adam has had the most hookups of the group -- about 10, he estimates. " <---- THAT WAS SO ME IN HIGHSCHOOL!

Posted by: chach at June 12, 2004 07:09 AM

First base: Making out
Second base: Hand Jobs, Fingering
Third base: Oral Sex
Home Run: Sexual Intercourse (that's why you say that you scored).

It's as simple as that.

Posted by: mr. x at August 21, 2004 12:36 AM

its disturbing to think i passed third base at 13...
This worlds so fucked up

Posted by: MrEViL at January 31, 2005 12:54 AM

Its disturbing to think I passed third base when i was 13.
This worlds FUBAR.

Posted by: MrEViL at January 31, 2005 12:54 AM

okay, i'm thinking along the lines of what mr. x said. third base being oral sex, but not everyone has oral sex before they have intercourse. so does that mean that they just fly by third or does it throw off this whole base thing? i think it's stupid.

maybe i think it's stupid because i don't get it.

Posted by: girl1125 at April 10, 2005 12:34 AM

to say that you went to third, you have to have done first and second also, or else you just had oral sex. You can't skip bases in baseball

Posted by: J at April 23, 2005 04:07 AM

are you kidding, ever heard of a triple?

Posted by: marco at May 21, 2005 07:19 AM

thanks mr.x .... the bases actually make sense now. I never really understood the whole base thing, it is very confusing unless explained the way you have. simple as that =)

Posted by: taken1 at June 4, 2005 08:19 AM

hi!! i love bases! they rock!! but i still don't know what the bases are labled...
4th:__________ what are they? (labled)

Posted by: ariel at June 11, 2005 06:59 AM

1st - making out
2nd - feeling up/lapdance
3rd - dryhumping
homerun -- (laughs)

Posted by: A.J. at July 12, 2005 10:15 PM

When remembering the bases just use the 4 F's


Its that simple

Posted by: Ralph at July 16, 2005 05:22 AM

what are the bases when your dating

Posted by: kenny at August 22, 2005 04:42 AM

2nd base is NOT boobs ali

Posted by: jane at January 15, 2006 02:26 AM

1:Making Out
2:Both in underware and feeling
3:Fingering/jacking off

Posted by: Jack Squat at February 11, 2006 08:52 PM

Its called the F-Scale


They said Breats are 1st because its hard to make out without having a feal, well its hard to finger a girl without a feal too.

Oral falls between 3rd and 4th. You know when the catcher and the 3rd basemen are throwing the ball back and forth, and your trapped. You dont want to go all the way, but no way your turning back!

Posted by: James at May 11, 2006 03:51 AM

Let me try to keep it all simple and easy...
Everything in first base:
Kissing, making out, some feeling (but don't be naughty)
Second base: Start being naughty in the feeling, hand jobs, anything that is above first base, but isn't sex and doesn't have to do with mouth on genitals
Third base: everything else to do with mouth
Fourth base: All the way
Its not like you have to do them in order or anything to clarify for one of the other posters. If you got a bj, you went to 3rd base with someone. If you just went all the way but didn't have any oral, you still went to 4th. Just nothing before it. The bases just have to do with what action you did at that time.

Posted by: Alex at September 4, 2006 07:28 AM

And finger, you can decide on second or third. that's to be debated, sry i didn't include

Posted by: Alex at September 4, 2006 07:29 AM

omg... this is so funny.

so if we've done necked, touched entire body(massage), including giving him a semi-hand job (he didn't cum), got touched in the privates (breasts, etc), but not necessarily fingered, and have never kissed.... where do i fall in under? lol

Posted by: vic at September 10, 2006 10:19 AM