April 13, 2006

Born a Rambling Man but Not Really


4/5ths of the way through the tour. The tension is building. Tempers start to fray. The drummer is sulking in the back of the van. You're getting slightly tired of the Supersize Me diet. Sausage McMuffins for breakfast, chicken nuggets for lunch, beer and Jim Beam for dinner - even that can get old. You haven't bothered to show up for a soundcheck for several shows now. No one's gonna come to the show anyway. Except possibly this scary ex-girlfriend who has been txt-stalking you ever since your cell # was posted on somebody's blog. "DRNK UR BLOOD". What's she getting at? Your booking agent's number has been mysteriously disconnected. A fourteen year old kid just told you he used to like you when he was young, and that seeing you play was a great nostalgia trip for him "Why don't you play any Rancid songs?" asks another. A kinda cute girl comes up to you at the bar and says "you don't know me, but you used to date my mom."

Not really. These virtual tours are soooo much easier to than the real thing. It's just like living in space.

Day Four of the Litzkrieg Bop Blog Book Tour is being hosted by Brooklyn Vegan.

In my book, there's a scene where Tom Henderson watches Rosemary's Baby with a Black Sabbath soundtrack. When asked about this, I realized that I had never actually tried it myself. So I performed the operation, took notes, and reached a rather startling conclusion about the message hidden within the heavy grooves of Sabbath Bloody Sabbath.

Today's reading is about Little Big Tom, Tom's step-father. The song today is "Gooey Glasses." You know, the polite thing to do is to face the stage while I'm playing. Wait, there's no stage. I mean, the polite thing to do is to face the weird, grimy corner of the room where I'm standing with no monitors. Can you at least turn the TV off during the set? Or, down...

Posted by Dr. Frank at April 13, 2006 06:09 PM | TrackBack

From the comments section of today's tour stop:

"i made out with one of the members of the MTexp when i was 18 (about 10yrs ago) - I feel old."

As long as she didn't feel old ten years ago...

Posted by: andy at April 13, 2006 08:27 PM

I just finished reading King Dork and without going into too much detail, here is my NY Times back of the book quote:

"King Dork is like a fine cigar. It starts off smooth and mellow but with a strong finish and thoroughly enjoyable throughout".

Posted by: Zaphod at April 13, 2006 09:00 PM

That was a stitch, Frank.

I went to look for your book at Barnes & Noble a couple days ago. Didn't see it. You think they'll be putting it in the Teens section, or in the grown-ups' literature?

I'd hoped to walk in and see a nice display, but I guess you gotta give people a night to read it before it becomes an overnight bestseller.

By the way, I didn't see your email until yesterday. I'll try to put up something today about your book, even if your "tour" will probably be over. The good thing about blog book tours is that part of it, at least, will still be there for weeks (or millenia) to come.

Posted by: Angie Schultz at April 14, 2006 02:20 PM

You are finally achieving your dream, and eliminating all human contact....leaving the house is overrated, i've always said it.

Posted by: tristin at April 14, 2006 04:03 PM

I read a few pages of your book. I laughed several times and it had a real ring of truth to it. I think you should try to get it published...

Posted by: "tabasco" jimmy fontaine the corporate sponsored cajun codger at April 14, 2006 04:03 PM

Check out this Amazon review:

"I couldn't put it down. I found the protagonist to be one of the most likable characters in modern literature. A novel to be enjoyed by teens and their parents alike. More please Mr. Portman! Sadly Frank Portman seems like it may be an alias. A google search only turned up an architecht and an aging punk musician. Whoever you are sir, give us more!"

OK, which one of you guys wrote that?

Posted by: Angie Schultz at April 14, 2006 06:37 PM

hey, there are *way* worse things to be than an aging punk musician. such as an aging ska musician.

Posted by: tristin at April 14, 2006 07:21 PM