Dr. Frank's What's-it

I think I finally feel like the outside matches the inside

I don't know if you've noticed the spam that turns up in the comments of this and other blogs. These messages plug all the usual stuff: Viagra, Cialis, Propecia, home refinancing, Blousant, on-line casinos, penis enlargement, "gay animal sex," etc.

It used to be quite a problem here, but now that I have Blacklist in effect (thanks to Michele and Dean, once again) it's pretty much under control. Now the occasional item will slip through, but the urls can be blocked so subsequent messages with the same urls won't appear.

At first, most of the messages would tend simply to be url-heavy pieces of text that went something like: Viagra! Get Viagra! You need Viagra! Viagra here! Viagra! Viagra! And did I mention: Viagra! Others would just have some random words like some of the email spam you get.

Then, for some reason, they (I mean: the folks in charge of this enterprise) started to try to make the messages sound more like what I suppose someone somewhere imagined people would actually leave as comments on blogs. Example: "those is very interesting stuffs. I'm agree to disagree. nice discussion." And the url, sometimes listed in the comment form where I would have entered doktorfrank.com, and sometimes included in the message as well, would be something like lolita-incest.xanax.org.

I can't imagine the smallbreast-solutions.com folks get too many orders for BustPro from readers of this, or any other blog, no matter how much spam they attempt to unleash. Maybe I'm wrong, though.

Well, anyhow, this is just a long-winded way to introduce the text of a recent piece of spam left on the comments, with an on-line casino url. It kind of cracked me up, though I doubt I could explain exactly why:

Hello. Did anyone see the swan the other night? Those women looked awesome.

Sometimes I notice stuff

Does the DMV have people whose job it is to examine requests for personalized license plates and screen out risque or mischievous ones? I'd heard that they do, but if so some must slip by them sometimes because yesterday in Oakland I saw a fancy Mercedes that said "BUKAKE".

This post has been removed by a blog administrator

I want to believe...

UPDATE: As Georgina points out in the comments, the relatively benign photo of "Tony Clifton" down towards the bottom of the pseudo-Andy blog has been replaced by some extremely gross images. Resist the urge to scroll down. You don't want to see them. Trust me.

UPDATE II: According to commenters brave enough to check it out, the gross pictures have been replaced with the stolen pictures. Somehow, though, I find I'm no longer very interested in this topic.

And therein lies the tail

So if you're not doing anything this evening you might want to stop by the Cafe du Nord for this:

Sharing picaresque tales of love and longing are technology and sex scribe Annalee Newitz, literary agent Arielle Eckstut; comedian Kamau Bell; retired wine cork salesman Whitey Broughton; writer Jamie Berger, plus erotica writer Simon Shepphard....

Sounds pretty spicy. I'll be the opener, playing a solo acoustic set at around 7pm.

By the way, there are few more covers of MTX songs posted on the MTX website. Check out a "We are the Future People of Tomorrow" by the Barbecuties from Germany, and a nice version of "Hitler" by a guy/guys calling themselves Fly by Night, plus a couple of "You're the Only One"s.

See you tonight, maybe.

The Oprah-ization of Homer

I haven't seen Troy yet, but if the bits described by Roger Ebert are at all representative, it should contain a great deal of unintentional comedy. And that's the best kind.

Example: in the midst of what has been traditionally referred to as the Rape of Helen of Troy, Helen herself explains why she has decided to leave her husband and to start a new life with Paris. "I don't want a hero," she says. "I want a man I can grow old with."

Heh heh. Gag me with a trireme. The Judgment of Paris and the gods themselves, according to Ebert, are entirely left out of the film, presumably to make way for cloying dialogue and touchy-feely motivations of this kind.

In other words: this movie sounds almost too fabulous to be true.

I can't wait. But no, it can't possibly all be at this level of awesomeness... or can it? My favorite movie about the ancient world will probably always be this, but it looks like Troy could be a contender.

(via Emily.)

Uncomfortably Warm

When you're in a band, people often present you with pictures they have drawn of you. Quite a few examples double as school projects of some kind. Some have been drawn from album art, some from life, some from memory. And some from one knows not where. Like a lot of stuff in this life, some of them can be quite good, and some totally retarded. Some are so bizarre that you really can't decide whether they're good or retarded. Maybe that makes them Real Art? Who knows?

In one way, common as it is, it's a pretty weird thing to do. I've never done it myself. (That is to say, I've never handed Robyn Hitchcock a pen and ink commemorative portrait after a gig. In fact, I've never tried to draw Robyn Hitchcock. Which is all to the good, believe me.)

In another way, though, it's kind of sweet. They're showing that they appreciate what you do. I have a pretty extensive collection of these by now. They make me feel a little uncomfortable, but I also feel warmly towards them and the people who drew them. That is, they make me feel uncomfortably warm, which is nicer than it sounds.

Anyway, here's a nice one I recently got via email by a Minneapolitan. Nice girl. Art student. Rocker.

So there it is. And here's one more promise I'll get back to babbling into the void about things of which I know little (i.e., blogging) soon enough. I've been working on other writing and recording and so forth. Plus, the world is crazy right now and I can't even begin to sort it out at the moment, so till I do you're going to be on your own. Sorry.

Strange Things Afoot at the Swedish American Building

Sorry I went AWOL for awhile there. Every now and again, I need a break to restore the tissues, or however you phrase it. I'm not all that sure about the overall effectiveness the tissue-therapy angle, but on the outside chance that there's something in it, I've been neglecting a lot of things. Not just the blog, I mean. I'll let you know how it turns out.

By the way, I'm doing a solo acoustic set at the Cafe du Nord on Wednesday, May 26th.

The situation is a bit unusual. I'm the opener for a night of "storytelling" co-presented by my pal Beth Lisick. This is a regular thing they've apparently been doing for some time (hence the name "Storytelling Series"). I've never been to one before, but as far as I can tell they have a handful of people get up and deliver unscripted monologues on a specified theme. They always have a musical act of some kind start things off, which is where I come in. The theme this time is "True Lust Confidential." I don't know who else is involved yet, but it should be kinda saucy.

I'll be playing early, around 7:15. People are going to start telling stories at 8. I'm not much good at "spoken word," as anyone who has ever heard me try to fill in the awkward pauses between songs will attest. I plan to play a bunch of songs, as usual. But it's probably the artsiest thing I've ever been directly involved with. If you're one of those people who like to witness fish-out-of-water scenarios from time to time, this show may be for you.